i think the dog has fleas

i think they’re biting me while i sleep, while i don’t sleep well
because they jump and they crawl and they bite at least i think they
do. i wake with a red bump as small as a freckle near my pelvis.
i can hear a neighbor yelling, i don’t know how far away he is i read
that in cities, you can be at your most lonely because everywhere you look
are people with people enjoying being human more than you are.
when you are with people, you wish to be alone. when you are alone,
you can hardly stand it.

i can’t eat because it hurts to go away it hurts to pack up the life i made and
take it somewhere else, just pieces of it. there is always so much love you
have to leave behind. sometimes there is nothing
peaceful about this. there’s only so many times i can
say goodbye, i’ll be seeing you and i’m only 22.
soon i’ll be

23, and no one will like me then. there is terror in not knowing
if you will ever accomplish what you set out to accomplish,
there is fear that you’ll always be running, towards something better in the
distant hills, so beautiful. maybe my love of mountains is a curse
i want to get away, get to the top, get down, get to the other side,

and fall asleep too tired to think
about how maybe
the dog has carried in
fleas that are biting
me awake.

+happy friday from this queen


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