maybe voice

IMG_2179Maybe voice is something you lose in the sand without locksmiths or locks or keys or dictionaries. Like maybe silence is mold you can’t get out and you have to throw away move out save your life get life back like the rust you scrape away. I think of silence sometime as plum wine, that will take you away from yourself if you depend on it, like voice cannot be drunk on anything but life, like kids who remind you to say something filterless, cruel or lovely. Maybe voice is what you get back before the hangover has passed. Maybe voice is God, something to believe in without analyzing, on faith alone

Everybody believes in something. My aunt didn’t believe in God or soulmates but she believes in the unconscious and the well of thought and truth and feeling and memories you can’t access but must get back to get better to get bitter then better she believes in voice. Like some people believe in God. Like some people pray she writes she

Writes. Truth is not universal. Nothing is universal. Authenticity is a commodity. Love exists only in theory, friends exist only in theory, animals are better at love and they have no voice. They do not drink, and they handle break ups better than us they are

In the moment. Like the wisest human. Doglike in our wisdom, as we age we finally learn to live for this moment. To love simply. To listen well. All our wise little sayings are just you know things dogs already figured out. But our oldest religion tells us that our sadness is our humanness is our voice is our reasoning is our belief in our humanness is our

Salvation. Like voice is the thing that will save us. Like dogs aren’t enlightened. Like light is for humans. Like darkness is for humans. Like dogs get twilight. Isn’t twilight the holiest? Isn’t twilight the humanest? Is music and art and poetry all about twilight? Dogs get twilight. Maybe voice is something dogs have at twilight. Maybe voice never had words. Maybe voice is silence. Maybe voice is nothing but everything it is not. This poem doesn’t speak to me. Like it’s voiceless. Like I’m voiceless I believe

I’ve lost my voice. Which means I believe in something. Which means I have faith and a God and humanity and dogness and something to hold onto

Even when I’m lost. I believe I am lost. Which means I can be found. Hallelujah.

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